


Of Sunset and Selfish Desires

by Malusdraco



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sad, ll25 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 18:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16938693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malusdraco/pseuds/Malusdraco
Summary: finished up lost light a couple days ago and am still not over itwrote this to copeit's big sad, fair warning, also spoilers for ll25, don't read if you haven't caught up i mean it!





	Of Sunset and Selfish Desires

He had known long before anyone else that something was wrong, and even longer before then he’d had suspicions. 

Ratchet was looking over the Lost Light’s patient files one day, running on a half-recharge cycle as was not uncommon, when he’d felt his spark jump, like he’d been kicked in the chassis. His frame tensed, still for a few minutes trying to parse what was happening, running through his nervous mind what it could be, expecting something more. But nothing happened save for a knock on the door from a feckless intern, another life needed saving, this could wait.

And so it continued, infrequently he would stop and consider if there was a problem, but before he could come to any conclusions there would be another emergency, another distraction. He shook it off, told himself he’d get more sleep (which didn’t happen) and that that would be the end of it.

It was a slow day in the medbay when it happened again. Only then did it occur to him to pick up a medical scanner. His optics widened at the feed and he began to put the pieces together. He stood a little straighter and walked to his office. It took three more scans to sink in. The scanner sent a loud click through the stagnant air as it hit his office desk. He leaned over, trying to piece together what this would mean. It wasn’t surprising, no. It could happen to anyone past a certain age and he hadn’t exactly been treating his frame right. So it wasn’t surprising, simply unexpected. Burnout was a slow, inevitable descent. 

He figured he’d have a few centuries left, maximum. 

So he sat on the floor, back against his desk, servos covering his face, to plan for what had left. He remembered the people in his life, the ones he’d want to say goodbye to, the ones he’d want to know he’d cared for them. His thoughts flickered to Optimus, what could have been, the fleeting flame that had to be snuffed. The mech was a different person, much too busy, much too far to bother with him. As much as he wanted to there was simply no way. It wasn't practical.

As he lay down that thought, another figure appeared to him, the softspoken bot with white and red plating he’d seen hang around the medbay when days were slow, leaning over empty berths to offer him some sort of superstitious truism. Ratchet had noticed the subtle cock of his hips, the glint in his optics as he said something just bordering lewd. He’d wondered what drew the mech there, whether it was boredom or loneliness or some sort of attraction (to him? no way). Despite everything, he’d made his presence felt, warm and calm, like an oasis pool. Drift was gone now, off somewhere on his own. Ratchet felt a tug in his chassis, an inclination, a need not unlike what he’d felt long before, except this time he didn’t ignore it, he didn't kill it. If he were to do one thing for himself before he died, this would be it. 

And then he left, he found Drift and life became exciting again. They were two, together against danger. And Ratchet began to forget anything was ever wrong. They were two.

Until they weren’t anymore, and it was life and death and sacrifice and sorrow and he recalled his own mortality in myriad different ways. Surely the end would come soon and the both of them would go out together in a blaze of starlight and valor.

But they didn’t. After everything they survived and Drift wrapped a servo around his own and only then he remembered, the sickening feeling of the denouement. Everything was over, and the end was just beginning.

He made his move, feeling his lips pressing against Drift’s for the first time he could almost cry at the desperation. He had to have this, at least while it lasted. And then they married and things began to settle. Like the slow, rocking motion of a cradle, Ratchet let himself forget, melting into the arms of normalcy, for once in his goddamn life. And oh, he savored it, every day of the warmth, the subtle touches, the way the light glinted off the curve of Drift’s smile as the sun set.

And then one day he collapsed and reality came crashing down again. And he remembered, he remembered, just why he was where he was. And he looked up into Drift’s wavering optics and felt claws of guilt rake down the inside of his chassis.

He knew what was coming, long before anyone else did. It wasn’t surprising just... unexpected. 

In his last few, bedridden, weeks Ratchet saw the way Drift moved, how he stalled every so often, the tired haze around his optics, the way his fingers seemed to twitch absentmindedly and it hurt. This was the future he’d wrought, by himself. And as the light dimmed from his optics, once again he saw his lover’s smile, showered by tired, sparking tears, kissed by the golden light of sunset and thought, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm filling in some things because i don't actually know what went down between drift leaving and ratchet finding him so i'm making some Assumptions


End file.
